apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
