I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
