I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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