im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
