Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
