u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
