so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
