i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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