I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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