The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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