It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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