are you so shy because you have an std?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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