I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
