So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
