i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
