I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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