so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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