Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
