hell yes lets make some ravioli
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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