my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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