Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Its about making memories worth repressing
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
