So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
