loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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