I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
