I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
