Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
soo... how was my night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
