weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
