can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
