its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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