Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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