These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
