What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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