Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
