Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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