oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is Oprah even human
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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