Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
