I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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