she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
