Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
