i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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