Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
