Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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