Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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