I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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