It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just gift wrapped bread.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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