you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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