I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
