I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
