i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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