what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
