He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
